letting go.

I should know you enough to understand the fact that i'll never be your cup of tea no matter how long no matter how hard.
Its just, loving you and having you around are basically two very different matters.
To love you, and yearn for you is not something i can control, at least not easily.
But can I be just this selfish to say that i want you around, regardless of who you are to me?
i dont want you to be the kind of friend who steps into my life and leaves at some point in time.
you may think the reason i want you around is because of how i feel about you.

Well, perhaps. That reason and so many many more.

Fame - Try

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me
If i ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While your running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough


god im hooked to this.
Now i HAVE to watch fame because of this song.
haha

great time, great show

how do you describe what this feels like. a day of breaking rules, breaking more rules.. killing ants and killing more ants.
its like, im totally numb to the fact that i have to suddenly book in tml to sign 3 extras for nothing.
its like, totally ecstatic, euphoric..
is this how being high feels like?
but its been almost 24 hours since....

great wind, great time, great show, great company.
yet somehow when i think about it i cant pinpoint anything spectacular, anything but...
what on earth is this feeling.

270909

i know i shouldn't be feeling this way, not after so much and so long.
but i just can't help it...
to put it simply, it makes even breaking the law feel so right.
someone kill me.

skinny's wedding

great weekend... anyway i haven't blogged for a very long time.. must be really having an easy life in tekong.. haha.. watching tv every night.. dream catchers.. lol. i haven't been calling home as frequently as before either. =x opps.

key events: skinny's wedding!!
date: 22nd Feb 2009
Time: Full Day Event



well skinny's my... how to say... aunt or cousin?? ok heres the case. RIGHTFULLY, she's my aunt, my mum's cousin... BUT. she's 33!! thats like... more like my cousin rite?!! well.. thats what happens when you have big families.. like peini ( my real cousin) who's 23 this year and jeremy ( also my real cousin) who's about 28 this year.. and then i have uncles like martin who's 27 this year.. ansen who's less than 30?? gosh.. wierd wierd... ok i prefer to address them as cousins.. haha.. and so do they.. it only SOUNDS RIGHT XD

anyway uncle wei toon ( above) aka cartoon was the super uber LUCKY man who is our latest addition to the family.. haha.. perhaps the reason why i can call him uncle with ease is because i haven't been brought up calling him 'korkor' or something.. so yeap..

it was a great event, starting from morning.. haha. went over to yin's place.. 2nd bro wasn't around because of sitest :( and 3rd bro went for tuition.. so i was there with peini.. and of course we started taking pictures.. haha


thats us with prince, the household dog and so called page boy aka dooropener for the morning event.. i missed the part where he opened the door!! must have been so cute larr.. anyway he had a tie on, though missing in the above pictures.. well.. erm.. not really a fan of dog clothes so yea.. haha.



me and peini ( cousin)

the groom came on time.. but we were not ready, so we asked them to go another round around the neighbourhood. =.= and then when we were finally ready, they were LOST in the neighbourhood =xxx haha.. hilarious.. but eventually they managed to find their way..

susanne (yin's sister) was terrible!! made cartoon and his best men do lots of funny stuff.. and kept rejecting the angbao.. poor aunty jenny ( actually grandaunty. =x) was so anxious to get her daughter married that she kept scolding susanne.. hahaa.. such a funny scene.. in the end the best men had to put on some disposable underwear, sing songs and cartoon had to do push ups while promising 5 things.. well.. one of them was GOING TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. gosh.. for a non believer to say this, he must really love her.. haha. bless him.

anyway it procceeded.. i guess i don't really have to go into such details..
about 1 we left for the church, trinity methodist at serangoon.. there was some minor screw ups on the caterer's side.. but still we got those sorted out.. talked with ansen and martin at the basement while awaiting the pastor's car... in the end the wedding was almost starting and we decided not to wait any longer.. thank goodness he turned up right on the spot. young man... well..

the flower girls and page boys were sooooooo cute!! haha.. the first girl was so afraid.. and she just looked totally adorable walking down that aisle with her younger bro.. didn't manage to get any pics though.. the second girl, slightly older, was also scared.. then came my cousins jarrell and jannell... haha.. and im so proud of them because they were so confident.. but i guess since they have been brought up in SUCH A FAMILY its hard not to.. haha..

anyway the church wedding:


yeap.. after the rather wierd vows.. which included something about flesh and blood and nothing about lawful husband and wife.. =.=

oh and i found this scene TOTALLY CLASSIC!


see the page boy and flower girl in the background?? hahaha.. they must have really been totally shag out.. lol.

anyway it was a beautiful wedding dress.. but it was too long!! gosh!! yin was like trying to pull it up a little when whe was walking down the aisle.. haha.. we were all laughing.. but i guess thats the way our family is.... her face was also like.. half laughing half omg kind.. lol..

then came dinner.. omgomgomg.. it was at sentosa cove can!!! like.. wa.. everything else normal but suddenly dinner so lavish..


by the sea.. woots...

dinner was really good.. especially the soup.. not the traditional shark fin.. but BABY ABALONE WITH BLACK CRAB AND FISH MAW!!
totally the best ive ever tasted.. but i heard just the soup alone is 100 bucks per pax. =.= hate to think how much the whole dinner will cost. =x

anyway random pics:








the twins and their brother ( my cousins):




and the after party ( by my family's side of course):


battle of the sexes in which side can yum seng the loudest.. hahaha.. at least cartoon was hyped enough to join in the craziness of our family.. hahaa.

and the finale kiss


cannot break till we finish our yum seng.. haha.. i think they were drooling by the end.. =x opps.. hahaha.


all in all, it was fun to see so many relatives around and learn of what they are doing now.. uncle rick's son is seriously soooooo cute la! haha.. chubby cheeks but very slim and sharp features like uncle rick.. then there was yinwei's second son.. who is shy to cry in front of others though he is only 9 months old.. haha.. can see the face when he tries not to cry.. undescribably cute..

uncle dick's new girlfriend ( china lady) is seriously siao la.. totally high.. heard she drank 7 glasses of red wine.. and went around shrieking and laughing and hugging everyone.. =.= pissed my mum and grandma.. hahaha. heard they are getting married at the end of the year =x hate to visualise that..

uncle mick's new girlfriend.. urmm.. how to put it.. he is 40.. and the girlfriend is what.. 18??!! like.. wth.. heard she's a philipino and is currently in sg studying on mick's sponsership.. ah well.. he says he's serious about her.. see where that goes.. he has a son too with his first wife.. BTW. lol.

anyway im sooooo proud of my family.. its like when susanne and rick went upstage to give their well wishing speech.. it totally trashed those from weitoon's side lar.. plus our super hyped family's support.. we seriously totally owned them.. haha.

as auntie loo lin said, the cousins have something in common: they are loud, beautiful and confident.. haha.. so true not only of them but of so many of us in the family..

weitoon's side is really.. urm.. how to say.. not sporting?? well.. lets just put it this way... im glad its cartoon getting married to yin than his other stoned brothers..

in her talk, susanne questioned whats so special about yin and toon.. i guess we all know how yin's special since she's practically the livewire in the family ( as rick said) plus she's sooo confident, enthusiastic and everything else.. but one thing i sincerely feel about toon that susanne did not say is that he is really what a family man should be. regardless of his terrible fashion sense and nerdy look.. he is someone whom.. just one look at, you know he can be trusted to be a solid platform and a loving husband to support a family.. so i guess thats how special he is.. because regardless of how overpowering and confident suyin looks, the both of them just looks so right together..

hence here i shall wish them a blessed life together, everlasting love for each other.. and
cartoon, welcome to the family.

ha. :)

gatherings.

visitng for cny carried on ytd.. went to this SUPER UBER DUBER big house along frankel... owned by.. lets see... my grandfather's cousin's daugther's husband. so that makes my mother and that aunt second cousins.. and makes me and their little kids.......... third cousins. is there such a thing? haha.. anyway there were three big groups of families there ytd.. my grandfather's ( meaning my family and my direct uncles and aunties), my grandfather's sister ( includes billy koh wan liang, campus superstar judge!!) and my grandfather's cousin's family ( whose daugther owns the house). ok super confusing... and suddenly i have....... 7 new cousins.. and my bro knows one of them from tuition.. haha.. how cool is that.

dinner was ok.. well, the host was vegetarian, even though they are seventh-day adventist... haha.. healthy reasons according to my mum.. but of course we had other food.. i still feel so sad for kevin, fiona and tammy.. since they are sort of 'forced' into being vegetarians.. lol. =x and well.. house has NO TV ( tv spoilt) and.. well.. i don't know! dosen't look very stayable =x

but they are all-right kids.. we get along quite well.. in fact better than we expected.

thats us.. haha. minus peini.. she was latest to come and earliest to go.. grr..

went to the park to play sparklers... josh tried his rocket thing. and we were busy distracting their dog, pepper, from this super big fat cat... then tried to bring the dog down the slide.. climbed to the top of the monkey bar.. flipped over the vertical steps.. monkey bar challenge.. bla blah... sort of missed the feeling of going to a playground since the last time i went to one was when i was very young... pity.. miss those days. perhaps i should start hanging out at playgrounds more often.


thats us on top of that monkey bar.

all in all.. we had fun.. especially josh's question and question game.. haha.. that is totally an awesome game. apparently they got that from 'whose line is it anyway'

so well.. uncle billy koh wan liang was like pretty lost about who's who.. and all that.. should have managed to clear that up in the end.



thats the family... its like.. so many of use. haha.
from now on i'll have three VERY GIGANTIC families to visit during the cny season.
woots.
love that...(:


anw back to camp tonight.. cos duties tml means i miss 1st day of sitest.. whoohootsss!!
there goes 12km... not missing it a simple bit. ha.

just can't book out freqeuntly enough. lol.
gtg.

:)

great cny this time around. though quite a number of ppl i didn't get to meet due to my time schedule ( having to be back in camp.., grrrr)

anyway sarah's in NTU accountancy too!! haha.. actually.. double degree.. urrgghh.. such coincidence. talked a little during the gathering.. she's still as ahem* anti-social.. haha.. like mother like daughter.

daniel, carolyn and a few other uncles and aunties are going to bali in july!! too bad i can't join them because of. urm. SAF commitments. damned.. nvm i'll be there in 2010! sabah still on?? hahaha.. oh and the great greatest thing is that dan and carolyn are planning to work in sg in the future!! woots! how great is that.. haha.. my closest cousins finally coming to singapore.. perhaps then we will be able to continue the yearly cny family traditional gatherings in sg instead. haha..

of course they will have to finish their studies first -.-

carolyn was telling me about how they could actually bribe their way to passing their driving liscence over in the peininsulla.. crap. to think i spent almost 2k on mine..

anyway it was totally awesome to catch up with all these cousins.. hahaha.. theres just.. so many of them back there!! its not that i don't have cousins on my mum's side.. just that... urmm... not really close and age gapp.... well lets put it this way. im a little old.. hahaha.. which reminds me!! i'll be 20 this year!! hahahaha.. is that like cool or what.. i don't see how being 20 can be such a miserable event.. haha.. love the 20s..

oh and i missed the swimmer's gatherings again.. sorry ivan for missing your bday party too. :( not the right time... and jon.. sorry i couldn't go for the cny cum farewell party for you.. but i'll see you on tekong. HA. can we like meet meet meet.. soon soon soon again?? =( i miss the days in sispec where i could drop by ntu on my night offs to catch up with friends.. theres really nothing much in the east that can beat that.. haha.

anyway further updates: i've decided to forgo psp and go with itouch instead.. seems more useful and interesting.. saw the little kids in segamat getting sick over the little psp gadgets.. that seemed to help me make up my mind.. and also i've decided to enrol for sailing courses in march.. i know there goes almost 500 bucks.. but i'd rather spend it on stuff like that then leaving it lying in my account where i could 'unintenionally' spend it all O.O

well at least im spending my money on the right things. =D (consoling) will sign up this coming weekend. no time to do it now.

haha.. im still pretty excited about uni life.. since i actually know quite a substantial number of people in/will be in NBS already.. arrgghhh why do i still have 1 year left to serve.... zzzz

to be with you

And when we finally meet, I'll know it's right.
I'll be at the end of my restless road.
But this journey, it was worth the fight.
To be with you, just to be...

Holding you for the very first time, never letting go.
What I wouldn't give to feel that way.

Oh, to be with you...

Oh, and I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apart
Come together eventually.

And when you're standin' here in front of me,
That's when I know that God does exist.
'Cause He will have answered every single prayer.
To be with you,
just to be with you.

David Archuleta


the lyrics is just sooo beautiful. i realise i learn something new everyday. like i just realised the existence of this song, and that archuleta is such a talented and pure singer. this song is perfect in so many ways.. from the accompaniment to the tones and the lyrics, that all plus archuleta's voice of course...

while david cook is brilliant in his own ways.. i guess you can't really compare them two since they sing two very different genres of music and sing them so well. best season of american idol.. i believe they will never be beaten.

and i also realised i've put 3 of archuleta's songs on my imeem playlist for my blog unknowingly... first was 'crush'. then 'a little too not over you'.. now this.. another song that sounds really nice will be 'running' but i'll save that for another day.

next week field camp confinement. means i'll miss the swimmers gathering again:( haiz.

2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

somehow this year dosen't seem like a 'new year' at all. perhaps its because i spent new year day in the falcon company office doing duty. or just the part of 'school opening' missing from this chapter in my life. nothing spectecular that i know is going to occur in 2009.. no olympics, youth olympics, F1.. bla bla.. well i guess its just another year passing by.

yet 2009 marks very significant point in my army career: 14 MONTHS to ORD! haha.. cant wait actually.. even though i find taking recruits rather interesting. 2010 will be a bang. much much louder than 2009. looking forward to it:)

2008 has been full of ups and downs. recalling back to the times at nestle, bitching with those office ladies, especially kit.. and doing receptionist jobs for the sake of it. haha. thats was fun. totally. i'd go back anytime to pick up a temp job but i still think that old malay uncle's got the best job in the entire nestle =x

then there was enlistment. army. many periods of low, demoralised, unmotivated times.. managed to pull through BMTC thanks to my fabulous section.. and my buddy weiliang. up till now i still think he is my best buddy, because of all the times he stood up for me. thanks.

best section ever. viper P2S1. buddies for life.

sispec BSLC was a sudden change for the better. better accomodation. better treatment and all. there i felt more hopeful, since the course was only 8 weeks and there was a chance at a better life. plus.. a very INTERESTING platton.. haha. B C Choo.. damn idiotic guy. never will forget that face. then george with his parapara dancing and sky with his totally hilarious and cmi imitations. hahaha. lau yiwei the bus driver.. tay wei kiang, big head small brain... and of course sgt jaijendra, an oh-so natural comedian.. and a very very good section commander. pity he's leaving the force soon.


ASLC was again somewhat of a low. just the realisation that i've been condemned to infantry sucks totally. but i learnt to cope with it. to find joy in the trainings and all. ASLC was alot of ups and downs. trench digging.. and finally taiwan. looking back.. i wonder why i was so reluctant to go to taiwan then, for it has been a very enriching trip. of course the sgts.. matthew, andy and dennis have been very helpful and sincere to my coping in ASLC. and to make my stay there so enjoyable. can never thank them enough.

top: Graduation parade on 21st Nov 2008. Platoon 4 Section 1 Golf Coy.
bottom: Same section at ROC, Taiwan training.

and now falcon. BMTC instructor. really glad that i could click with all the old specs and new specs in the company, even though the OC and officers are rather screwed up. okay. that was an understatement. haha. jk. but really i feel the specs are doing an extremely brilliant job in taking care of the company.

that was all part of my army experience that i have come today to appreciate and accept as a very rewarding and meaningful chapter in my life. i once felt that it was a waste of time to spend 2 years in army. but now i've learnt better. its part of building up character + appreciating the little things in life + the enriching and unparalleled experience of being a soldier that many in other countries can only dream of and watch in shows. all of it, worthwhile.

other than army, 2008 also brought about a drastic change to my lifestyle and habits. suddenly, i have to wake up at 5.30 am every morning... sleep at 10-11 at night. also.. the time outside camp for my social life was drastically decreased. as such i had to plan to high precision what to do on my precious weekends, who to meet, when to meet. and all. its was a tough change. but i believe the worst is over. haha.

anyway, i've read many who have set new year resolutions for themselves. i feel its rather redundent though. since i have been setting resolutions all year long. however for the sake of a "NEW YEAR" resolution, i shall set some.

firstly. i want to start training up myself. intensity training. i just realised this morning as i ran to catch the 8am ferry out of tekong with derek that my stamina and running ability totally SUCKS now. i have to work extra incredibly unbelievably hard if im going to get gold for the next ippt. keeping my fingers crossed =x

secondly. kayaking 1star/2star. finally found someone who dosen't have a star and wants to take it: kannu!! great lets go get it. then join zhihao and amir to take 2 star later in the year. oh and did i say i wanted to take up sailing? hahah. i hope that comes true too.

thirdly. i want to make an enormous attempt to start getting together with old friends. lately ive been rather reluctant to meet up with others because of my packed schedule and army. however i met jq at camp. just enlisted! mayb will get together with them someday soon. and well.. 1006 gathering on the 10th jan should still be on. but i haven't seen the SWIMMERS for agess... where are you guys!! arrgghh..

fourthly. studying is going to start soon. prep for my accountancy course. and i may also be giving tuition for mathematics soon. weekends. secondary level. anyone got students to reccommend?

well thats all that i can recall as of now. will add on to it as i get on with it.

just a few messages to very speical people in my life.
the swimmers

i have been looking through the photos of our past gatherings and realised that never once had attendence at any of the gatherings been full :( we should meet up more. ivan slacker, please go arrange. thank you.

glendon: hey you happening kid. see you've been hanging out at the clubs very frequently these days. armour treating you damn well i guess. haha. haven't seen you for ages. must really find some time to meet up ok.

ivan: slack ivan, what can i say. whole day planning of ways to chao keng in camp. go do some part for the nation la idiot! anyway camp got so many guys for you to gay with. you should be happy. lol. go up pes!! haha. c2l9. loser. lol

emo jon: going to enlist already right? stop thinking of ways to change your pes status already. you're an exact opposite of ivan. haha. so up for what. well. stay optimistic for army. and i believe you'd do well for your As too. stoop worrying anymore! you've got it! haha. call me if you going for any open houses =D

shoe: hey stop shopping! ok. haven't seen you guys for sooo long. why cancel the christmas thing lar. @%#^@!$. haha. anyway when you bringing daniel to meet us. haven't OFFICIALLY seen him yet. lol. hahaha.

huimin: hows your leg. see la. run marathon until bai ka already. lol. anyway aren't you taking abit too much activities at the moment? what hall swim team captain, then biathon.. plus your moe scholarship in chemistry?? hey don't kill yourself. hurhur.

suechee: i bet you did like extremely well for your exams. haha. don't bluff. and i think you swim faster than me now! shit. im going to start training. ask the team to leave a vacancy for me ok. or should ask song loo.. opps :X shouldn't say it so loud here right. haha. got it. =p meet up soon. i want to hear the progress. haha.

then theres the others:

cassie: mei.. didn't mean to dao your new year sms. haha. just not in the mood to reply to any of them. i didn't reply to all! i swear!! haha.. anyway hope you did well for your A's... really want to find sometime to meet up with you to catch up but i know better with that uberly jealous bf of yours. =p haha. jkjk. im sure he will be alright with it. lets meet up anyway! haha... go watch movies. i haven't been to the cinema for ages.

xue: hey. haven't talked to you in ages too. guess i've been really busy and my schedule's been super hectic. and you have an array of programmes to keep yourself uberly busy yourself. many things happened last year. all i can say is thanks for being such a great friend. i know its very hard to talk as often as before given your university schedule and my army life ( plus you being in the west side 5 days a week while im in the east 5 days a week =.=), but i really do hope to keep in touch. some way or another. anyway. glad to see you so blissful.. really happy for you :)

ok. thats about it. wow. thats a very long entry. yawnz. sleepy already. didn't sleep much ytd night. lol.